On being mediocre and aimless
Standing in a wooded clearing in Dartmoor I introduce the group to a mindful walking exercise. The aim, I tell them, is to pick a tiny distance of just a few metres, and to walk along this line, and then turning back around at each end, all done ever so slowly, paying attention to the sensations in the feet and ankles. After a few minutes, I tell them, I will sound a bell, and then they can have a few minutes of walking around wherever they choose without any agenda other than to go where curiosity takes them.
When I bring the group back together and ask for reflections I get the full myriad of human experiences: “I felt at peace” “I was thinking about what other people were thinking about me” “I felt tired” “My mind couldn’t focus’. Then there is one very important experience that someone shared.
“I felt frustrated by the exercise. I just wanted to go somewhere”
“Where?” I asked
“Anywhere. Over there” Said the man pointing in a direction beyond the footpath.
This sense of frustration normally arises for at least one person whenever I run this exercise as a group session, and it can be a powerful teacher if we are able to notice it for what it really is.
The question is: If I ran the session “Over there” where the man was pointing, would he have been satisfied? After all, there was little difference in the environment. Trees, grass, sky, ground.
A great many of us, myself included, can get caught under an illusion that tells us that whatever we do it must have a purpose, a goal, a point. We walk to get from A to B. To reach an objective or to reach as many objectives as we can. To see as much as possible. To get stronger, fitter. To go as far as we can. Only then does walking have a point.
For a few more of us we fall under a secondary illusion. “We must always be the best at something.” We see little point in taking on an activity if we don’t believe we can get better and better at it. Whilst the majority of us don’t aim to be top of the podium, nationally or internationally we tend to be in competition (overt or covertly) with individuals or groups of people around us.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have goals and have high standards for ourselves. In fact I think both of these things are important to be a happy and healthy human being. However our culture has put such a high price on both of these values that we have fallen into the trap of thinking that anything other than a goal focused, high-standard form of living is unacceptable.
Embracing Aimlessness and Mediocrity
The brilliant philosopher Alan Watts was fond of saying that if you were to go for a slow stroll in America by yourself in the evening, you will likely be stopped by the police thinking that you must be up to no good. If you had a dog, or were jogging then this would be deemed acceptable because there is a clear aim to your being out.
Doing nothing for nothing's sake is treated with great suspicion. We fear that someone who is aimless, will go around in circles or get lost, waste valuable time and resources or create trouble and mischief. And yet, waking up without a plan, seeing where the day takes us, going with the flow of the world (natural or social) can bring us to exciting discoveries. Setting out into nature for a day or more, with no specific location to arrive at can be tremendously thrilling and liberating and pave the way to personal growth. Attending a retreat where there is nothing to do except, eat, sleep, meditate and perhaps a few chores can even be spiritually awakening.
When we accept moments of aimlessness we can also accept that we are already enough. There is nothing to do or improve upon, we can enjoy our own company, and let the present moment be just as it is. All to often we set goals under the false impression that only by achieving something exceptional will our life have value.
Mediocrity is also greatly feared. Sitting behind this fear is the need to feel special. We worry that if we don’t give everything our best shot (and succeed,) then others won’t notice us and we’ll fall behind in the game of life. We would rather not try at all than be seen as mediocre.
When we meet activities with the energy and the skill level that we have in the present moment then we are giving ourselves the gift of acceptance. Just by being alive we are already exceptionally special. No amount of striving, stress and strain will make us any more special.
Putting it into Practice:
A mindfulness meditation practice provides us with the opportunity to be aimless and mediocre. When all we are doing is sitting still (or moving slowly in the case of a mindful walking or mindful yoga practice) there is no objective to be attained and no yardstick for what success looks like. In fact a meditation where we notice that our mind and body is stressed and distracted is treated just the same as when it is calm and at rest. There is no way of being great, nor terrible at meditation.
When practiced regularly we can begin sowing the seeds of self acceptance simply by stepping out of the cycle of rushing to succeed and instead spending time to honour that we are enough even when we are doing nothing at all. We can then in turn begin to find moments to practice bringing this quality into our day to day life so that we can slow down more often and lessen our sense of stress and anxiety and feel more calm and joy.
